meme and randomness

[tirsden]

I updated my WoW fansite today, friends can find it thru my character post. I'm sick as a dog, dang kids keep bringing crap home from school and this time it hit me like I expected it to... unlike last time where I got lucky and didn't get real sick.

Now for teh meme, blackmanta tagged me. XD



List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people.
Do not state who these people are.
Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.
Tag five (5) people

(Hint: None of these are on my friend's list.)



1) I admire you more than anything else in the world, and that's saying quite a bit, considering all my obsessions. I wish we could be friends... okay I wish for a lot more than that... but the odds of that happening are........... sigh.

2) I miss you. I wonder where you are. You disappeared so fast from the face of the earth... I hope you're safe, and I wonder if you'd be disappointed in me for turning against religion... or if you have as well. You were so strong in the faith back then. I just hope life hasn't been as cruel to you as it has to me. Best of luck, wherever you are.

3) I miss you as well. You were my Momma. You had real-life problems that made me hurt so bad for you, but we had a lot of fun while we had the time. You disappeared as well, like you'd never existed, but at a different stage of my life. (Hmm, I wonder if I've got some weird sort of abandonment anxiety thing going on... have never thought about it that way.) I hope you came through your troubles as well. It's not fair for good people to get screwed with like you did. *hugs*

4) I hate you. I hate living in your house every damn day. I worked so hard to try and stay away from the very place I've returned. I'm trying my best to get away from you and you seem to want me to stay here (and I know you've tried to understand me a little, and I appreciate that you make phone calls for me... sometimes on time, as if my life might actually matter... but it's way too little too late). You think you can just ignore my problems and they'll get better. As long as I'm not screaming "I FUCKING HATE YOU" all day long, you think I'm okay. I am only civil because the remnants of my good qualities say I should be... sometimes I think I'm entirely too greatful and maybe I should be screaming at you. I just live through each day hoping I'll get out of your worthless house and somewhere safe. ...Why the hell did you tell me you hit me once when I was a little girl?? Your confession obviously made you feel better, but it brought a whole new load of worries into my already strained mind. Confess to a damn priest next time and leave me the hell alone.

5) I don't even want to talk to you.

6) I know you're not a real, honest, human-being-type person, but you were to me... it was unfair I couldn't take you with me, and that you died due to the negligence of others. i miss u.

7) I'm sorry I didn't end up in the sort of successful life you always envisioned I'd have. I've thought about calling the place you worked to try and reestablish contact... but I am ashamed at where my life has led and I can't face telling you what's happened. I'm sorry. No, it's not my fault what happened, and I shouldn't blame myself... but I think you will be happier not knowing. Ignorance is bliss, yes? Okay so maybe I'm an idiot for saying that. Might be one reason why I failed so badly.

8) I pretty much said what I needed to say to you, and I was nicer than you deserved. I did misunderstand one thing you said, but in the end it makes no difference. If you had said, "Hey, I think you didn't get this right, here's what I meant / what's up with you?" or whatever, that would have helped prove that you weren't a fake, irresponsible, selfish fuck-up. But, it's when we're under the most pressure that our true spirit shows, and yours showed like the big fat beacon it is. I don't really see any point in saying this here, but it's been in my head and I thought I'd get it off my chest. I just hope you don't fuck anybody else over like you did me. And your child was right... "I didn't ask for a mommy like you" was more than a red flag, it was her telling you exactly what she thinks of you. I'm sorry I ever supported you, listened to your lies, gave you advice you couldn't even follow because of the lies, and... and... oh fuck it, I shouldn't be wasting my time on this shit.

9) Eh, I said exactly what needed to be said to you when you last reared your ugly head out of the abyss of my traumas. You deserve no more words, except that I know you tried to screw with my kid sister's head not long ago and you scared her. She doesn't even know the half of it and she knows to stay away from your sorry ass. BACK OFF BITCH and I hope to hell you are smart enough to leave well enough alone. But this sorta proves you can't, eh? GET HELP.

10) I want to thank you for keeping Timmy for me. I hope he's doing okay with you and his little ferret buddy. I know you must be confused, and it hurts me to think you might believe it was my ex who was in the right and not me... that you might still be friends with that asshole. I hope you were able to see through it, and I hope... I hope you can get a better life than the one you were living when I last saw you. I wasn't gonna include you in this list but in the end... it's something I've wanted to say for a long time.

Tagged: aridiar, hunter_ryu, l_u_d_g_e, selphiroth, zeiramthehunter

Comments

[l-u-d-g-e.livejournal.com]

Wait! Do I know 10 different people? :)

[l-u-d-g-e.livejournal.com]

Oh, while I'm here, I wanted to tell you about firewalls, which I think you asked about a while back.

I bought a new computer, and I decided to go looking for a new firewall. I was using Sygate Personal Firewall, but it was discontinued after Symantec bought Sygate.

I came across Outpost Firewall Pro, which I installed last week. But it's not free. It's $39.95 for the first year and $19.95 renewal.

Today I was reading the test results on Firewall Leak Tester (http://www.firewallleaktester.com/). I just happened to click on the URL for the Gold Award winner, Jetico Personal Firewall. It turns out to be Freeware! Maybe it will work out for you. One thing the tests don't assess is how stable the product is.

http://www.jetico.com/

ooooooooooo... (and yeah I had probs with thinking of 10 whole people lol)

[tirsden.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm still running Zonealarm on my computer as it's sort of a non-issue with that dinosaur. I found out there's a built-in firewall with XP SP2 so that's what's running on parents' computer and it's working fine. I'll try Jetico on my computer as there isn't a whole lot I can do to hurt it, and the new tower I'm still working on is going to have XP as well if I can find a legitimate copy of it for less than retail. *Now* I'm wondering if it's worth getting XP at all or if Microsoft will try and force everyone to upgrade to their next OS, I forget the name but I've heard rumors. *shudders*

Of course, in light of things going on in real life right now, I'm not even sure the computer planning means anything anymore. Heh. I'm attempting to get my thoughts in a new journal entry, if I don't post it then I'll sleep on it and see if I can rehash it properly later.

Re: ooooooooooo... (and yeah I had probs with thinking of 10 whole people lol)

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I heard that the XP firewall cannot block outbound activity. But if it can pass the Shields Up stealth test at grc.com, it might be good enough. Just don't get tricked into running any keyloggers.

MS is still supporting Windows 2000 Professional. The next OS, Vista, is still in beta. http://www.microsoft.com/windowsvista/ . "Microsoft is on track to complete the product this year, with business availability in November 2006 and broad consumer availability in January 2007." From http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/press/2006/mar06/03-21WindowsVistaDeliveryPR.mspx dated March 21.

My prediction is that MS will support XP for at least another five years. I got a lot out of Win NT, having just retired it this year.

- LG

Re: ooooooooooo... (and yeah I had probs with thinking of 10 whole people lol)

[l-u-d-g-e.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to hi-jack your journal, but I also wanted to tell you about a new game that's in development. It's called Spore, and it's being designed by Will Wright and developed by Maxis. It's sort of a Sim Earth / Sim City game but also a lot like Populous. In this game you start out designing a single-celled creature and try to get it to evolve into a life-form capable of colonizing other planets.

Here are some links:

http://www.sporewiki.com

http://www.spore.com

35 min. video presentation:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8372603330420559198&q=spore

Of course if you've not run out of obsessions yet, just put this one on the back-burner. :)

Re: ooooooooooo... (and yeah I had probs with thinking of 10 whole people lol)

[tirsden.livejournal.com]

Yeah I read from the same place suggesting using XP's firewall that it worked only one way, stops stuff from coming in but not going out. This shouldn't be an issue except that my kid sister once again has managed to get access to a desktop and she's really really good at finding sites with spyware and viruses. Yay. But things seem alright for now and I think she's tired of getting an earful so she's been surfing more conservatively.

Okay so XP is still worth it. Good good. (I'm still running the original version of Win98 on my p200 lol.)

LOL.. someone may as well be writing here. ^_~

[tirsden.livejournal.com]

I've heard of this! Only vaguely though (saw it mentioned on a webcomic I think). I've been thru the main site now (thankyooo) and finally got their E3 movie to run (snagged it outa temp internet files cuz it wouldn't run for crap in the browser for some reason) aaaand... god this looks addicting. I hope it's coming out for XBOX, cuz regardless of whether or not I can afford it, that's my only good current system. And it's not current anymore thanks to the 360 >( but... yeah, whatever, I guess we'll see. It's probably says what it's coming out for somewhere in the site, I'm a little scared to go look. Yeah, I'll put it on the back burner for thoughts for later. (Plus I needa look at the other two links lol.)